MEDIATION – A CONFLICT SOLUTION IN EMOTIONAL BALANCE
From experience I know: not all conflicts can be solved satisfactorily by applying legal rules only. There is a nerve-sparing and fair alternative that takes into account the interests of all: mediation.
In mediation, you go in pairs: you and the person with whom you have a conflict.
Mediation is always your own customized solution. A tailored solution is in both your own hands. This offers maximum self-responsibility and autonomy.
I am a mediator out of conviction and passion. In mediation, I am with you. With my head and my heart.
Conflicts in the community of heirs, conflicts in the company, divorce …
Controversies in the community of heirs, conflicts in the company, divorce, disputes with business partners, with successors in the family business – does that sound familiar to you? Maybe you have experienced one of the following situations?
You have two siblings, your father passed away years ago, now your mother has died. She leaves you two real estate properties, jewelry and some valuable paintings. You and your siblings are now a community of heirs. You’ve always gotten along well, but suddenly everything is different. It is about a particular painting, the last visits to the mother and different ideas on how to deal with the real estate. The mood is very emotional, it takes only a small spark to ignite it.
As a mediator, I know this situation well: you experience the death of a parent which is emotionally intense like no other. In addition, there´s the relationship with the siblings, which has been lived an entire lifetime. And now so many different ideas and conceptions collide that you no longer know back and forth. Worst of all, every letter, every communication can tear deep wounds that you can barely get over. As a mediator, I’m your rock solid. I am used to dealing with strong emotions and to relieve them in mediation. Even in a heritage dispute, it is possible to find nerve-sparing and good solutions. Because I objectify the conflict, I walk between the lines and show options that you all may not have been aware of before.
Both of you have been working together in a company for a long time and get on well with each other. You are feeling comfortable. But then your colleague is promoted and turns into your boss – and everything seems to change. You feel controlled and unfree. Your new boss acts out his need for control in his new role. Things are going well for a while, but then you become increasingly reluctant, the once beloved job becomes a burden. Eventually, the word “termination” will fall.
This is yet another situation in which I can help as a mediator, oftentimes called in by the company. With a lot of sensitivity for the situation and the roles of both parties involved, I make it possible to find fair solutions. In cooperation with the employer, but in deliberate secrecy about the contents of the mediation. Here, mediation can be a milestone for corporate peace. And often a simple way to avoid layoffs and allow for better coexistence in the future.
You are married, have children. Your partner wants the breakup. You argue about everything, you are both emotionally upset, a rational conversation hardly seems possible. You lie awake at night and a thousand thoughts cross your blanket …
Your nerves are on the edge, you are hurt. That is very understandable, because a separation hurts incredibly, is often traumatic and eats away at your innermost feelings. Mediation can calm, soothe and enable a good solution for all participants. As a mediator, I am there for you both and bring your subjects back into calmer waters – for the benefit of all concerned. Especially when children are involved.
Suppose you and your counterpart come to me as your mediator.
HOW WILL I BE THEN?
I listen.
I ask questions.
I structure.
I encourage.
I sketch.
I create an expansive space.
I dig deeper.
I am forwarding you to action
Suppose you and your counterpart come to me as your mediator.
HOW WILL YOU BE THEN?
You speak your mind.
You listen to your counterpart.
Your counterpart listens to you.
You design.
You recognize.
You weigh.
You choose.
You decide.
You agree.
Mediation (almost) always fits …
Mediation is suitable for all conflicts that have a strong human component in which emotions are involved and different individual interests. Mediation (almost) always fits … for example:
- Family mediations, e.g. generational or heritage conflicts,
- Separation mediations, e.g. divorces, separation of registered partnerships, custody rights, rights of contact and access,
- Mediation in corporations, e.g. conflicts in teams or between different hierarchical levels, between partners or between executives, bullying,
- Mediation in family businesses, e.g. design and implementation of leadership succession,
- Mediation in institutions, e.g. conflicts in authorities, in hospitals or schools,
- Mediation in clubs, e.g. conflicts in committees, about statutes or attendance obligations,
- Mediation between contractors, e.g. conflicts with cooperation or sales partners, conflicts with suppliers or customers.
These examples have one thing in common: no one can just quit or get out of the situation. Life goes on, the togetherness continues. What your future looks like, good or creaking, that’s in your hands, you both shape it in mediation.
»As a mediator, I can sense the essence of a case before you can formulate it for your conflict resolution.«
Dr. Annette Oschmann
“Why interest clarification?”
Maybe you ask yourself: why interest clarification? Quite simply: it lies at the heart of the mediation. Only by clarifying your interests can there be a good solution.
Take the well-known story with the orange:
Two people are arguing loudly about an orange. A third party enters saying “I’ll solve this for you”, takes the orange and cuts it into two halves.
The screaming gets louder.
One shouts out: “But I wanted to have the juice of orange, what shall I do with the half?
The other one calls: I wanted the orange peel, what shall I do with the half?
Without clarification of interests, there is always the risk that you won’t get what you really want. Or get what you don’t want.
Indispensable: empathy and emotional intelligence
Empathy and emotional intelligence are indispensable features in mediation management: it is about the very personal interests and values that lie underneath the conflict issues. Only when, as a mediator, I have identified and named these interests, usually in a one-to-one interview, the path is cleared for a good solution.
But often you / the parties are not really aware of their deeper interests and values. Therefore, as a mediator, I ask very consciously and concretely, listen very attentively and target the crucial points that seem hard to overcome. This is only possible with a lot of sensitivity and tactfulness, empathy and emotional intelligence. These qualities are crucial to the success of a mediation: as a mediator, I can sense the essence of a case before you can formulate it for your conflict resolution.
»There were problems in my team. I advocated mediation to the board. Now we’re all very happy with the result.«
Lutz H., 56, Managing Director
